Signed in as:
filler@godaddy.com
applied editorial practice
These projects put my writing philosophy into action — showing how purpose, audience, and clarity drive every edit. From coaching writers to training AI, I use the same editorial lens to refine structure, tone, and meaning.
ANALYTICAL WRITING
Original Text:
“Technology is something that helps people in their lives, but sometimes it also makes life worse because people forget how to talk to each other.”
GRAMMAR (3/5): Minor issues with word choice and parallelism → readability mildly affected → check consistency of plural forms.
CLARITY (1/5): “Technology” too broad → reader unsure what kind of tech or how it helps → define the scope (e.g., social media, smartphones).
TONE (1/5): Neutral and impersonal → lacks stance or emotional register → adopt a more analytical or critical tone.
STRUCTURE (1/5): Juxtaposition implied but undeveloped → argument lacks contrast → use clearer cause/effect phrasing.
ENGAGEMENT (1/5): Flat delivery → no vivid detail or perspective → add concrete examples to invite reader interest.
Suggested Revision: “Although Snapchat facilitates connection and communication between American teens ages 16–18, pervasive use also hinders their ability to communicate verbally with one another.”
DESCRIPTIVE WRITING
Original Text:
“The ocean was big and blue. The waves made sound. It was nice.
GRAMMAR (4/5)
Minor plural issue in “waves made sound” → should read “waves made sounds” → otherwise mechanically sound.
CLARITY (1/5)
Vague references → reader can’t visualize scene → specify which ocean, what kind of sounds, and what “nice” means to you.
TONE (1/5)
Flat and emotionless → misses opportunity to evoke sensory experience → use vivid, sensory language that conveys your emotional state.
STRUCTURE (1/5)
Simple repetitive syntax (“The ocean was... The waves made...”) → reads like early-stage writing → vary sentence length and rhythm for flow.
ENGAGEMENT (1/5)
No sensory or emotional hook → reader remains detached → describe what you felt, saw, and heard to invite immersion.
Suggested Revision:
“As I sat cross-legged on my blue striped beach blanket, I was in awe of the bejeweled blue, green, and turquoise hues of the Caribbean Sea. The water was calm, lapping peacefully in gentle rhythmic waves. It was the most serene and beautiful afternoon.”
NARRATIVE WRITING
Original Text:
“When I failed my driving test the first time, I was embarrassed. But later I realized it was the first time I had really tried something that scared me.”
GRAMMAR (2/5)
Minor issues with word order and flow → “time I was embarrassed” could be rephrased for smoother pacing → e.g., “I was embarrassed the first time I failed my driving test."
CLARITY (2/5)
Juxtaposition of embarrassment and pride implied but underdeveloped → specify how these emotions interact → explain how fear led to growth or self-understanding.
TONE (3/5)
Sincere and emotive tone draws reader in → expanding on emotional nuance (“what scared me”) would deepen resonance.
STRUCTURE (3/5)
Chronological sequence effective but transitions awkward → rephrase for smoother rhythm and reflection between sentences.
ENGAGEMENT (3/5)
Personal vulnerability and relatable scenario build interest → clarify the emotional resolution to fully satisfy the reader’s curiosity.
Suggested Revision:
“I was embarrassed when I failed my driving test the first time, but later I realized it was also the first time I had truly faced a fear head-on. That moment of failure taught me more about courage than any success ever could.”
PERSUASIVE WRITING
Original Text:
“All schools should remove homework because kids hate it and it causes stress. Teachers should just teach better during class instead of giving more work.”
GRAMMAR (3/5)
Replace colloquial phrasing with formal diction → “kids” → “students,” “teach better” → “provide more effective instruction.” Use specific phrasing such as “it causes students undue stress” and “teachers should focus on in-class instruction that is thorough and comprehensive to support students’ mastery of concepts.”
CLARITY (2/5)
Age group and context undefined → reader cannot gauge scope → specify education level (e.g., elementary, secondary) and institution type (public, private). Define “teach better” to clarify the desired instructional change.
TONE (1/5)
Emotionally charged and retributive → diminishes authority → assert viewpoint through evidence and examples rather than frustration. Balanced tone increases credibility.
STRUCTURE (1/5)
Two claims presented without logical transition → adopt sequential or cause-and-effect organization to connect inadequate instruction with student stress.
ENGAGEMENT (1/5)
Overly emotional language provokes reader defensiveness → neutral, fact-based presentation encourages intellectual rather than emotional engagement.
Suggested Revision:
“The mental health of elementary students in Michigan’s public school system is at an all-time low. Community feedback suggests that an overabundance of daily homework may be a contributing factor. By emphasizing active learning and targeted practice during class, teachers can reinforce key skills without overburdening students at home.”
INSTRUCTIONAL WRITING
Original Text:
“First you must open the document and read it carefully. Then fix any errors that you find and make it perfect. If you are not sure, ask someone smarter.”
GRAMMAR (1/5)
Run-on phrasing and word order reduce clarity → rephrase for parallel structure and precision → e.g., “Open and carefully read the document. Then fix any errors you find.”
CLARITY (1/5)
Unspecified document and vague task → reader unsure what to do → name the document and specify the action (“proofread,” “revise,” “edit”). Replace “someone smarter” with a concrete resource (instructor, tutor).
TONE (1/5)
Dismissive and informal → undermines credibility → use encouraging, professional language that conveys investment in the reader’s progress.
STRUCTURE (2/5)
Sequential logic present but weak → steps lack supportive detail → strengthen by explaining purpose of each action and eliminating redundant phrasing.
ENGAGEMENT (1/5)
No empathy or motivational appeal → reader feels criticized rather than guided → use inclusive, supportive phrasing to inspire confidence.
Suggested Revision:
“After opening the document, proofread it carefully and edit it thoroughly. This can be a challenging task for many people—don’t be discouraged if you feel uncertain along the way. Consult your tutor for guidance; they’re there to help you succeed.”
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